I am being calm, calm is what I am being - AS WELL AS A LIAR.

[mooging]

Right, I'm aware that this is bordering on the spammy, but I want to now actually say things about Life On Mars and I want to keep them separate from my explosion in the post below.

Also, if you think it will be calm and free from italics and capslock, you are very wrong.

First of all, I feel I should mention that I am so ecstatically happy that Sam killed himself. I mean, that just sounds wrong and bad but IT MEANT JOY. 

I pretty much spent the hour in a state of utter hysterics. Seriously. I alternated between sobbing like a crazy person, laughing like a fool, laughing and sobbing at the same time and choking out words at the television.

Not that I get part of it - hello, random 'this is actually real' amnesia sideline, which I guess was Sam's brain starting to be all '2006 SUCKS, STAY WHERE YOU ARE, CRAZY BOY' - but I am so, so happy.

Okay, so, when Ray was like 'Geeeeeeeeeeeene, Sam was being a spyyyyyyy', I have to say that I panicked and flailed but then Gene still trusted Sam to save them all. Really, when Annie was running out of the train with Chris, and she was going 'help help help help HELPING WOULD BE NICE!' and Chris was making me cry (BE A POLICEMAN CHRIS IT'S NOT NASTY OH GOD THE PAIN) and I was ignoring Ray because I've never actually liked him that much (which I know is the point of his character, but still), Gene was just yelling for Sam, rather than for Sam to help, which to me means that he knows Sam would help, as he's not explicitly asking for it.

My brain likes being odd on me. Also, that was a really long sentence, so sorry about that.

Ohhh, and Sam's utter trust that what he was doing at the beginning (i.e. destroying Gene) hurt me, but he cleared himself by being all 'NOES THIS IS BAD' later on. Also, Morgan being all 'Aha, now they will all die' made me sob. Everything made me cry.

Sam standing and looking at the light - pretty much ended up just being me screeching 'GO AWAY FROM THE LIGHT SAM SAM SAM GO AWAY FROM THE LIGHT GO TO GENE AWAY FROM THE LIGHT'.

ALSO, words cannot express my glee at 'Noncy arsed fairy boy' , mostly because it is genius and a wonderful Gene line of LOVE but ALSO BECAUSE when I wrote my first Sam/Gene, I agonized for hours over what gay name Gene could call Sam, and this is what I came up with: "Are you planning on getting up any time soon, Sammy-me-lad, or am I going to have to start calling you a fairy boy?"

And I wasn't entirely happy with 'fairy boy' BUT NOW GENE HAS SAID IT AHAHAHAHAHA!

ALSO GENE SAID 'TOP GEAR' AND MY BRAIN EXPLODED.

Oh, oh, oh, and Sam immediately going to Gene after killing that guy (ignoring his female love interest, I might add) and touching him and being all concerned and Gene being all 'not gay not gay not gay' and the fact that the first thing that concerned Sam when he started thinking that 1973 might be real was what he'd done to Gene. Oh.

So, yes, I spent the entire 2006 bit going 'DON'T KILL GENE DON'T KILL GENE OH MY GOD IS GENE ALIVE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO GEEEEEEEEENE?'.

I have to say, it did take me an embarrassingly long time to realise Sam was going to kill himself though. I kept waiting for Annie or Gene to turn up in 2006 but as soon as Sam was talking to his mother and repeated what Nelson said, I might have screamed 'GO BACK FOR GENE DAMN YOU' and then flailed a great deal more. (Ha, listen to that 'as soon as'. I r thick in head).

I can honestly say I have never had a more guttural reaction to anything as when Sam woke up in 2006 and everyone in 1973 WAS IN DIRE DIRE DANGER AND ALL WERE SHOT OH GOD. 

And the scene on the roof was utterly, utterly perfect. The camera whirling round. John Simm being genius. The music building and building and building and Sam just started to walk, jog, run, sprint and then jumping, jumping off the roof in such a gorgeous parallel to Series One, Episode One, in both ways (the camera/music and the suicide attempt/actual suicide) and oh, God, Show.

And Sam's crying when Morgan was all 'LET ME DISTRESS YOU AHAHA!' was amazing. John Simm, I love you like I love your Philip Glenister, which is a lot, and I love you both. 

I also loved that as the Hetrosexual Moment of Kissing was happening, Gene just squealed up in the car to grab Sam's attention. Clearly not saying anything there. GAY GAY HAPPY FOR THEIR GAY LOVE SHALL CONTINUE!

I guess this is the end. I don't know what to do with that, at all. This show has had the best plot, the best acting (I liked both male leads for God's sake, and that's rare), the best scripts, the best music; it's been thought out and gorgeous and beautiful.

I need to go and curl up somewhere and flail now. 

Just...just...oh my God. I keep thinking of other things I need to say and having to add them and oh, my heart. 

I feel drained now.

Here are links (mainly for my own benefit, because I want to remember all the reactions I had) to my flailage in other people's journals:

In which I attempt to rationalise explaining why I'm happy about a character I like killing themselves - in rionaleonhart's journal
In which I am capslock and giddy and also slightly broken - in misplacedmarble's journal
In which I cry - in gayjunglefever's journal

So, to sum up, I cried (a lot), I laughed (through the crying), I flailed (an inordinate amount) and Sam and Gene make me ridiculously happy.

*

On a slightly different note, I need to see more of Philip Glenister and John Simm. Any recommendations?

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

ALSO GENE SAID 'TOP GEAR' AND MY BRAIN EXPLODED.

OH THANK GOD I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE.

I love this whole entry, because it is basically exactly what I thought. Well, apart from the 'long time to realise Sam was going to kill himself' bit, because I have been expecting that since last August.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

*flails at you*

You are definitely not the only one. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T MAKE ME WRITE TOP GEAR/LIFE ON MARS. I'm going to do that now, aren't I?

I'm glad you could make some sense out of my flailings and agree with it. I know, I was being inordinately dense about Sam's impending 2006 suicide. YOU KNOW YOUR PLACE IS WITH GENE STOP TRYING TO BE NORMAL.

[rionaleonhart]

Hee, have you read That's Life, on Cars? (This will not, however, prevent me from trying to make you write Top Gear/Life on Mars, because Jeremy Clarkson has not yet met Gene, and he so has to.)

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

Um, yeah, CAN I JOIN IN THE ENCOURAGING?

Because if there were to be Gene meeting Jeremy I could die a deliriously happy woman. XD

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE BEING A HORRIBLE ENABLER AND I REALLY SHOULD REVISE.

Damn, you just know I'm going to write it. *flails*

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

WRITE IT WRITE IT WRITE IT.

And don't feel bad about the revision, because all I've done is a couple of half-hearted attempts to learn for my German oral.

I know two sentences more than I did at the beginning of Easter.

I'M SO CRAP. So you are obviously much better and should reward us yourself by writing TG/LoM. Obviously. XD

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

HELLO I WISH TO ADD ENCOURAGEMENT

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

I AM WRITING IT NOW SEE WHAT YOU HAVE ALL DONE?

[ayjay1986.livejournal.com]

You are an absolute star. And you've articulated pretty much everything I can't in this post.

And, yes, my heart lept at Gene saying "Top Gear." It's fic just asking to be written.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

It's fic just asking to be written. - Yes, see now, other people seem to agree with you on this front, enough that my brain started writing it without any input from me. I don't quite know how that happened, but ah well.

I'm glad you could make sense of the post enough to, you know, comment on it. I wasn't quite sure how much sense I was making!

[grapefruitzzz.livejournal.com]

Yay and indeed goodness. Sam thought of Gene 100%, even when he thought he had to take him down to go free. I *knew* he wouldn't leave them to die in a tunnel!

I'd suggest the film '24 hour party people' for Simm, where he plays Barney Sumner, who is sweet and blond and sings (or possibly mimes, I can't remember).

Urm, and the Hornblower film/TVmovie things "Mutiny" and "Retribution" for PG because the straw hat is outstanding. He is a bit of a mean sod in it, though, and not the lead but it's a decent-sized part and he is Good.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

Oooh, thank you for the recommendations!

I admit to being intrigued by the combination of Philip Glenister and Hornblower. And a straw hat. I may have to do something about seeing this!

And awww, other things that John Simm is sweet in. (I was slightly worried by Sam on several occasions, I have to say. As well as being worried for him. He made me worry - but in a good way!)

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

ALSO GENE SAID 'TOP GEAR' AND MY BRAIN EXPLODED.

I JOIN YOU AND rionaleonhart IN THE EXPLODING.

AND JUST EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS THE MOST PERFECT UM, THING, EVER.

I love my Sammy. *cuddles*

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU AND YAYE!

(I hope you're happy; all of you and your crazy encouraging have MADE THE TOP GEAR/LIFE ON MARS START BEING WRITTEN DAMN YOU except not, because yaye)

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

OMG REALLY? YAY!!!!!!

OBVIOUSLY I'LL HAVE TO FINISH THE GREEN WING/TOP GEAR, THEN. :D

[neuralclone.livejournal.com]

On a slightly different note, I need to see more of Philip Glenister and John Simm. Any recommendations?

"State of Play" which stars Simm and has Glenister in a guest role. Playing a DCI, no less!

"Clocking off", which stars Glenister, and has Simm in a guest role in episode 1. With his St Christopher medallion, no less!

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

Oooh, thank you. I was thinking about buying one or the other fairly soon (because yaye), um, which one would you recommend I see first?

You know, not that I just like asking random people for their opinions or starting conversations about Simm and Glenister, or anything like that.

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

SEE YES NOW I CAN FINALLY RESPOND.

Just, er, well, yes, to pretty much everything you have said. I watched it about eight hours ago, and--ahahaha there's no way I can say this without sounding like a complete idiot--I actually still can't quite talk about the finale. I just... my mind can't cope. The srs bzns side of it, anyway: I seem to be able to say things like "lolgay", so I can say--'Noncy arsed fairy boy' was fantastic, and my immediate reaction was YES WELL GENE YOU WOULD KNOW. And and and Gene interrupting the Sam/Annie, as he always does, with the whole "HEY STOP KISSING GIRLS IT'S BAD COME AND SIT WITH ME".

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

PS:
ALSO GENE SAID 'TOP GEAR' AND MY BRAIN EXPLODED.
OMG YES I KNEW I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE ONLY ONE WHO JUST WENT "...OMGWTFTOPGEAR" AT THAT POINT. And was really hoping that Sam would make some reference to it. Alas.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

IT IS FINE WE WILL GET ROUND TO SAM MENTIONING THAT IN THE FIC THAT MY BRAIN IS WRITING FOR ME.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

YOUR COMMENT MADE ME CHORTLE LIKE A FOOL I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

Although, er, I'm not sure why that would be a bad thing. I need to think before resorting to capslock, perhaps, perchance.

Exactly. Sam, step away from the trace of LIKING GIRLS and go and sit in Gene's lap with Gene.

I just... my mind can't cope - After this entry, in which my brain seemed to get along with me fairly well, my mind kind of turned into some sort of mush and now if someone mentions the finale to me I just start going 'eqkjbqwjbfsfhb SAM LOVES GENE AND THEY HAVE NOT LEFT ME' and then run away and cry.

I was talking to my step-dad about it, and ended up shouting something about romantic suicide and he thought I was talking about Sam/Annie. Ahahahaha. No, step-father dear, I'm talking about Sam's real relationship.