(no subject)

[mooging]

Ok, back to school now. Depression. Although, I'm adoring my Classics class and my History teacher is so amazingly full of himself it's beyond belief. I've yet to make judgements on everyone else!

I've finished the Lupinius for the Coldplay song, follow the LJ-cut for it!

I took each line of the song and put it to a specific Lupinius moment/occasion to try and make it a proper anthem/song/LURVE thing, whatever. Angst and love, like always ;) All the italic things are Coldplay lyrics.

 

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed

He'd tried, God knew he'd tried, he knew he'd tried but only the person he wanted to know refused to see it.

When you get what you want but not what you need.

He'd apologised so many times, begged Remus to forgive him and Remus had said the words but Sirius still didn't know if he'd meant them.

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.

He was sick of saying sorry but every full moon, when he saw the distrust in Remus' eyes before he changed, he had to say it again and as the wolf ripped through his friend, hot guilt tore Sirius apart again and again and again until he howled alongside Moony as a grieving Padfoot.

Stuck in reverse

Every word that fell from his lips seemed to make things worse and he couldn't look at Snape, see the sneer on his cold mouth as he looked straight through Remus, without hating himself and Oh God, why had he told him?

When the tears come streaming down your face.

The cell door shut with a grind of metal and it was Sirius, not padfoot, that howled with a sobbing hatred that couldn't be expressed in words.

When you lose something you can't replace.

He couldn't seem to remember how Remus pretended not to smile even as his lips quirked at the edges. He couldn't recall the exact brown hue to Remus' laughing eyes. The sound of a gasping release for both him and his lover was only foggy now; Azkaban and its dementors were slowly draining away his happy memories, few as they were, and try as he might, he couldn't seem to cling onto to them.

When you love someone but it goes to waste.

What good was it if he loved Remus anyway? What reason did Remus have to trust him anymore? Even if Sirius loved him, which he did with a burning, consuming fire, what could he do about it when he was stuck in the cold prison?

Could it be worse?

Sirius couldn't see a worse ending to the chapter he was living, but his throat couldn't let the rage or desolation through anymore. The half-healed cuts on his arms, his legs, his torso, any part of him he could reach bled his tears for him now as his nails forced them out.

Lights will guide you home.

I want walk through a door as a free man and see his face.

And ignite your bones

I want to feel his mouth smile into my neck and his arms whisper as they hold me.

And I will try to fix you

I want Remus to love me again.

And high up above or down below.

He'd forgiven Sirius over and over for something he shouldn't have but each time Sirius looked at him and laughed, he soared above the clouds. He'd forgiven Sirius so many times but every moon that tore at him made him wonder if he'd be betrayed again, if he'd see another person that wasn't Snape staring at him with terror and hatred as he screamed at the night, the wolf devouring him. Then he'd see the apology in Sirius' eyes as the wolf started to chew inside him and when he let it howl alongside Padfoot, it was frustrated, and the fragment of human thought he had left said that he hated himself, and then he plunged into binding soil.

When you're too in love to let it go.

It had shattered him when Sirius had been arrested, when Sirius was guilty, when he didn't know the truth. He wanted to forgive him anyway, and that hurt too. He wanted to hate him, but he couldn't because that hurt more. He wanted to stop thinking but every time he tried he would think of Sirius.

But if you never try, you'll never know.

He'd forgiven Sirius again for everything and anything and the past, the present, the future and the never-will-be's and he hadn't thought he could, but he did. It didn't hurt then, it just dulled into numbness, and with every memory of Sirius came the threat of tears.

Just what you're worth.

He loved Sirius and he knew it, had always known it really. He wondered, alone at night, whether the crumpled figure he imagined in his cell would love him back.

Lights will guide you home.

I want to see laughter in Sirius' eyes as we embrace.

And ignite your bones

I want to make those undoubtedly haunted eyes warm with satisfaction.

And I will try to fix you.

I want Sirius to howl and I want to soothe him when he breaks.

Tears stream down your face,

It happens, you're free, and you push open that door. His fave turns towards you and you see the tears he wants to shed.

When you lose something you can't replace,

He crushes you to him and now you feel his tears against your skin. You realise that he cares, and you say this. You feel his mouth quirk in a familiar way as it hugs your neck and you hear him say that he always has. For a moment you forget to worry and close your eyes as his hands trace lines on your back.

Tears stream down your face,

You don't cry, but he does, and you feel him quake against you. It doesn't last long, and when he next looks at you, you can finally see peace for an instant in Remus' eyes.

And I...

What do you want? Do you know how to react now? Does it kill you if you don't?

Tears stream down your face,

You wipe a hand across your wet face as you gaze at Sirius, who is there in front of you with healing wounds of inward pain marking his skin, but you don't know where he wants to be and you don't know what you should say.

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.

So this time you apologise and forgive him in the same breath and you see your proud lover bow his head, shoulders heaving, and you wait for the storm.

Tears stream down your face,

Then he cries, he is weeping, and the sounds he makes are broken. You reach for him without thinking and as you hold him, it is not Remus holding Sirius or Moony holding Padfoot. It is simply someone falling and someone catching and you love him.

And I...

What else can you think of to do?

Lights will guide you home,

Cracked glass eyes stare into warm brown ones that twist with emotion and hands unconsciously seek a partner.

And ignite your bones,

Neither man moves and neither man wants to. A shaggy black head falls onto a waiting shoulder. Time has ceased to be but each man can see each memory past and both men grope blindly for a future. Still no-one moves but black hair spills onto pale skin and two pairs of eyes close.

And I will try to fix you.

No-one is broken and no-one can heal but everyone can love and they do as steps are finally taken away from a door.

 

 

I hope you like...