Five (more) Times Gene Hunt Was Thoroughly Confused: The Crack!fic Version
1) A lot of these times are quite clearly Sam's fault. They can't be Gene's fault, because he was always quite clear about everything until Sam wandered his crazy ass in from whatever havoc he was wreaking in Hyde and made Gene care about forensics. All the words to do with this have far too many letters for anything, and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference whether they're written down or spoken aloud, Gene will still not like him. After the trillionth time he's watched Sam's mouth roll out the complicated terminology, he resigns himself to this complacent woe at least every other time Sam speaks.
2) When he realised he'd been watching Sam's mouth.
3) The time Sam came in his office and caught him actually doing paperwork, labouring over something trival and pointless and staring with brow-wrinkled intensity at one of the most challenging science words he'd had the displeasure to face, which also happened to be written in the world's most scrawling handwriting other than his own.
"You can copy my report, if you like," said Sam.
Taken slightly off guard (although not really, because Gene Hunt has the reflexes of a Super Genius Cat), Gene said, "The day I have to copy something you did, Sammy-boy, will be the day I grab that poncey leather jacket of yours and haul you up to my mouth to play 'trap-the-tongue' with you, and that, Daphne, will be a sad day for humanity."
Sam shrugged, said "Whatever you like," and got all the way to the door before adding, "Nice comparision, by the way", and left.
Gene wasn't expecting that.
4) When he realised the first thought in his mind when searching for something suitably crushing to say to Sam was to make Not Gay Kissing references.
5) All of these faded away to comparison, however, when Sam managed to take him completely by surprise by kissing him without warning in the locker room, and Gene found his hands betraying him and pushing Sam back against the wall.
*
(See? Happier fic! Okay, so the characterison goes a bit to hell, but happy!)
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1) A lot of these times are quite clearly Sam's fault. They can't be Gene's fault, because he was always quite clear about everything until Sam wandered his crazy ass in from whatever havoc he was wreaking in Hyde and made Gene care about forensics. All the words to do with this have far too many letters for anything, and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference whether they're written down or spoken aloud, Gene will still not like him. After the trillionth time he's watched Sam's mouth roll out the complicated terminology, he resigns himself to this complacent woe at least every other time Sam speaks.
2) When he realised he'd been watching Sam's mouth.
3) The time Sam came in his office and caught him actually doing paperwork, labouring over something trival and pointless and staring with brow-wrinkled intensity at one of the most challenging science words he'd had the displeasure to face, which also happened to be written in the world's most scrawling handwriting other than his own.
"You can copy my report, if you like," said Sam.
Taken slightly off guard (although not really, because Gene Hunt has the reflexes of a Super Genius Cat), Gene said, "The day I have to copy something you did, Sammy-boy, will be the day I grab that poncey leather jacket of yours and haul you up to my mouth to play 'trap-the-tongue' with you, and that, Daphne, will be a sad day for humanity."
Sam shrugged, said "Whatever you like," and got all the way to the door before adding, "Nice comparision, by the way", and left.
Gene wasn't expecting that.
4) When he realised the first thought in his mind when searching for something suitably crushing to say to Sam was to make Not Gay Kissing references.
5) All of these faded away to comparison, however, when Sam managed to take him completely by surprise by kissing him without warning in the locker room, and Gene found his hands betraying him and pushing Sam back against the wall.
*
(See? Happier fic! Okay, so the characterison goes a bit to hell, but happy!)